Plea for prudence in fireworks

I, Captain America, Greyhound Extraordinaire and Plenipotentiary of Parma and the surrounding municipalities am as patriotic as anyone. I have found the sporadic, random, gratuitous explosions of cheap fireworks maddening. The hearing acuity of hounds is far greater than yours. The olfactory powers to detect odours, likewise, are superior to humans. Spent gunpowder is not an interesting or enticing aroma. We understand many people have been in a war zone, and suffer psychological terror on these occasions of idiot merriment. It is good to celebrate Brexit 1776, but it is sensible and considerate to do so at centralised locations with professional artillerists and bombardiers. Also, as somebody who has the sense that God gave to a goose, and God knows, He did not give a goose much sense, you chance injury. Do you really want the nickname "Lefty", or "Three Fingers"? You remember how many fingers Boris Nikolajevich Yeltsin had on his left hand? On a personal level:  many hounds of my ken refer to Independence Day as "Scare the shit out of dogs day". O, and by the way, the stupid law in Ohio is that you sign a paper that contracts you to take your fireworks purchase out of state to use, because setting off fireworks is illegal in Ohio. This silly mendacity created to allow shysters to have commerce, and the state revenue is absurd. People, let us all have an enjoyable holiday.